Today is 9/11/14. The day the towers came down. The day loved ones were lost. The day my aunt’s life changed. I’m a NY girl, born and raised, and now consider Portland my second home after 22 years. That morning my husband came to me as I was dressing our 8 and 6 year old boys for school. He whispered, “Go turn on the TV.” as he took over shepherding the kids.

 

I quietly snuck into the TV room and pressed the remote and sat stunned, unable to comprehend the view. I started dialing, my aunt first. My aunt worked in the Towers for decades, knew everyone on her floor and the floor above her and the floor below her, and knew their kids and their grandkids. Her black book of names and addresses and phone numbers was held together by two thick rubber bands. I joked with her that her black book was a high security risk if it was ever lost. Everyone, and I mean everyone in that book got a birthday card every year from ‘Viv’ marking the occasion. Where was she?

 

Hours later there was no information. The phone lines were jammed and ‘too much’ and ‘not enough’ information was coming through all the media outlets. I sat still sending prayers to my family in Brooklyn, Rockaway, Staten Island, Long Beach and Manhattan. Where was she?

 

Here we are 13 years later and the news is filled with the possibility of yet another war. Escalation. Air strikes. Boots on the ground. Really? Because war has proven to be effective at stopping insane people who will always find a way to destroy. Really? Because we have the spare funds to throw a war but not enough to house and feed and educate our own citizens? Really? Because the photos of wounded children that have flooded the airways recently isn’t enough horror to make us reconsider? Collateral damage.

 

Enough. Enough. There is another way. It’s risky and courageous and requires incredible commitment and discipline. It’s the War of Enough.

Enough for our citizens to start off ‘on the ground’ with adequate health care, child support and education opportunities. Enough for children to be schooled with a diverse and inspiring education system where the arts flourish and critical independent thinking is fostered in a safe environment. Enough so that every citizen can access higher education at 1 or 2% loan interest because corporations paying the 9%+ have created a flush education fund. Enough clean water, enough affordable housing, enough living wage jobs, enough family support. Enough. Enough.

 

My aunt escaped along with hundreds who made it onto the Staten Island Ferry and pulled away from the lower island to safety watching their colleagues burn up. She never went back to work. She holds her breath every time she rides an elevator. Her illness from the trauma prevents her from sending out cards anymore, and frankly, it was too unbearable for her to sort through the names in her black book to see who was still around.

 

Today is 9/7/2014, which means it is a number 5 day. (9+7+2+14=32; 3+2= 5) This is, of course, perfect. The number 5 is often referred to as 'dynamic' 'changeable' 'a force,'  co-incidentally terms that have often been applied to me. You can't have the nunber 5 until you've reached 4, which is representative of foundation and stability, off of which the number 5 can be pulled upwards into a point (think of a 4 sided pyramid!) 5 is often referred to in spiritual terms as 'the grace of God' and a google search will yield a ton of info on this subject. Today, the 5 day, for me is a jumping off point, again.  Today I am leaping off another cliff into the VOID. After many decades on Earth I am silencing the little voice that whispers, "You're not good enough. You're not worthy. Why should anyone listen to YOU?" Instead I am listening to the voice that says, "You can only live your truth. You can only be who you are and what you know. You can only be you. It's your only walk so have courage and walk it and perhaps, by doing so, you will serve others." So here I am. Thank you for joining me for a little while on my path! Namaste. Blessings. Peace. Aho Mitakuye Oyasin.

 

 

6/19/2015

 

Today is a number 6 day so it comes as no surprise to me that I am called to action. #6 is the vibration of love.  I woke up this morning with a heavy heart, filled with the grief of our meanness to each other throughout our country and the world. My spiritual belief is that we are in a splitting prism and that the end of darkness is closer than we think but like the sling shot, we are the stone pushing through the final edge of our flight before we burst into lightness, and it's scary. But one thing I know for sure, is that when I pay attention to the fear, it grows. So today I acknowledge the scariness and thank it for the information and send it on its way. Today my mantra is:

'Perhaps the greatest act of modern courage, is to be happy and love life, despite the horrors in the world; and maybe by the simple act of loving life, you heal the world with your fearlessness. '

Choose. And then choose again. And again. And don't stop until choosing is simply 'the way it is.' Peace. phiAMMA